When A Parent Becomes Ill
Friday night, I could not sleep. I woke about 2am and was restless until about 5am. I searched briefly for what was bothering me, and assumed it was just all I am working to accomplish with OlderWiserWomen, and getting the book proposal written before a conference I am attending the following week.
The next morning, I thought I should call Mom. She’s not in the best of health, but is doing okay, and I was going to be there in a week…after the conference. The phone range about 10am and the ID said it was her. Yet, I knew it was not…again, I said to myself…everything is fine.
But it wasn’t. It was Mom’s best friend. She has been staying with Mom but was out of town. The night before Mom was admitted to the hospital in critical condition and was on life support. My calls to the hospital confirmed all this and more.
It’s amazing what one can do when time is limited. I was able to get the ONE seat out of Seattle at the time that would work for me. They were able to change my ticket and upgrade it for same day departure without a huge fee and only a few frequent flyer miles. I’m 2 hours from the airport, and the hospital was another hour or so for her airport and still I was at her bedside in 11 hours.
In our family, the health of our Mother means a great deal. Our father died when I was 16. I’ve lost two sisters, both under the age of 40. Mom’s 2nd husband died about 18 months ago. Even her two dogs have passed on. Her remaining children are not about to let her go easily. Except…I’ve been entrusted with her health care directive and am her POA. I need to follow her wishes, even if my remaining siblings disagree.
This time though we are lucky. She was breathing on her own within 36 hours. She’s now home, and is requesting that she move back to WA and have assistance nearby.
It’s difficult seeing the woman who has always been the strong one, the one you have always looked up to, become frail and close to her last year or so of life. I see her having a hard time with the realization that she requires assistance, and needs to downsize her belongings to fit into a one bedroom apartment as she moves into a building with “old people†(as she describes them).
This is going to be a process. I’ll keep the dialog going as I learn from this. I’m sure some of you have experienced this, and welcome hearing from you with any words of wisdom you may wish to share.
Barbara C. Phillips, NP
www.OlderWiserWomen.com
Vonnie says:
May 1st, 2005 at 3:51 am
Hi Barbara,
Hope you’re mom is doing better since this post. I can identify with the worries of losing a parent. I lost my dad last July and with he living in NY and me in Florida I’d spent many nights tossing and turning, worrying if I should be here, I should be there, should he be with me, etc. Now, I just remember him when he was happy and take great comfort in that.
Vonnie